Saarang Story No.1 : The Battlefield, Warriors, and the (missing) Weapon

The excitement was contagious. Even as we stuffed our clothes into the backpacks, we could feel our hearts beat faster in anticipation of all the goodies that lay awaiting us at the battlefield of Saarang’09 (Note that I use BOLD letters here; it is because I had some of the BEST days of my life at this FANTASTIC arena.).

Thanks to the f***ing senselessness of the aged clan leader of ours (HOD) who wouldn’t grant us permission to wage our wars at Chennai, the army- which had previously consisted of ten ruthless warriors from the Royal Mech clan of the CET tribe- was seriously depleted due to the abrupt withdrawal of five of our mighty warriors. The rest of us, however, were not ready to give up so easily and were prepared to even sacrifice our lives for the noble cause that we strongly believed in. Our mission: to have as much fun as a mortal man could in a span of 7 days, meet up with as many chicks as possible, and bring back home some precious trophies of happy memories and novel experiences.

While warrior Raman had his weapon (an HMT textbook that he wished to discuss with his equally enthusiastic friends at IITM!!) ready for his personal battle; rest of us were still in search of ours: thanks to Sanky’s last minute cancellation of plans to accompany us, we were left without a camera to get the pictures of all the beautiful damsels we hoped to find in our personal battlefield at Saarang. Our despair turned into astonishment and then anger even as we made calls after calls to get hold of our precious weapon. Mysteriously, all the cameras we knew were either terminally ill or busy fighting other battles, and we were left with no option but fight unarmed and be satisfied with our ‘photographic’ memories which had almost always deserted us during exams without fail so far.

Here’s the prologue in a nutshell:

Battle field: Saarang’09 held on the campus grounds of IITM. Competition events were strictly out of bounds, though: none of the warriors were expected to indulge in any of the ‘foolish’ battles being fought at the competition venues since they were ‘much below’ the standards the warriors had set for themselves. Their only objective would be to go in search of, and wage battles with, the innumerable good looking females who gathered for Saarang.

Warriors: Five mighty Royal Mechs of CET who were assigned the following duties as per their areas of specializations:
1. Ziyad M M: Stealthy, silent and highly skilled at psychology and reading of female minds, this warrior was assigned the duty of spotting, analyzing, and reporting possible subjects of interest.
Code name: Silent Watcher.
2. Richard Babu: Shameless and a man with high end connections at Saarang, Richard was our natural choice for the most important post of the weapon wielder.
Code name: Weapon Wielder
3. Anthony Job Kannampally: The brother of Ninoy Job Kannampally, (the Finance Co-coordinator of our battlefield!), Anthony was our backup ticket out of tight situations.
Code name: Ass Saver.
4. Ramachandran A: Though this warrior was supposed to stay away from the group most of the time due to other preoccupations, he was expected to be the biggest source of entertainment for the group.
Code name: The Joker.
5. The Pilgrim: This particular warrior was entrusted with the duty of warning the weapon wielder of possible attacks by hostile elements. Also keep record of the events of the battle.
Code name: Archives Master.

Weapon: A camera, which still eluded the mighty warriors.

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TO BE CONTINUED

2008: year of the rotten rat

In dedication to
the innocents who lost their lives at the hands of the f***ing terrorists who took us by surprise at Mumbai;
the hundreds of innocent children who lost their beautiful little lives at the hands of the Israeli BASTARDS.
May the peace which eluded you in life be with you in death at least.

"Oh Men of free spirits, where the HECK is your Goddamn God?"

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DISCLAIMER
Be warned that most of what is being said here are just exaggerated versions of what might actually have happened. No complaints, grievance or threats by anyone will be entertained. Any such comments will IMMEDIATELY be removed from the blog. In short: I do not give a damn about what anyone thinks, and be advised that you are entering at your own peril onto a minefield! In case you are foolish enough to be offended by the crap I type up, better buzz off before its too late to turn back!

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Synopsis

The Chinese claim that 2008 was the "Year of the rat". It was indeed the year of the rotten rat for the pilgrim as well; his year began with:

1. a Goddamn university exam staring down his 'handsome' face,
2. him getting dumped rather unceremoniously by a rather good looking female,
3. him getting caught at home for bunking his exams, and
4. him behaving as if he were out of his bloody mind;

and it ended with:

1. another Goddamn university exam kicking his butt,
2. him- after passing through the four stages of Denial ("This can't be happening, not to me!"), anger ("NO! NO! How can this happen?!"), Bargaining ("I'll do anything, can't you stretch it out? A few more years."), and Depression ("I'm so sad, why bother with anything?")- reaching the fifth and final stage of Acceptance ("I can't fight it, I may as well learn from it.") about getting dumped,
3. him convincing his folks that they can trust him (with a host of lies, I must add!), and
   
4. him trying to behave as if he was in perfect harmony with everything around him (what a fake!)

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The 'love' story that never was

I'll make it short and quick, here's the final piece of conversation between the pilgrim and his crush(?!).
pilgrim (after sending his ego on a tour to the outer space) : Did you ever have any feelings for me?
girl (very pleasantly, as if she was at her own marriage ceremony, laughing) : I'm sorry, no. It was just that I thought I was in love with you, but I wasn't actually in love with you.
pilgrim (to himself, inside his head) : Lord save the poor soul whom she would "actually" fall in love with, some day!

tailpiece: In case you failed to notice, some of the words have been stressed using italics and bold fonts. Try reading and comprehending the exact meaning of what I'm trying to say here! Btw, how does one realize whether he is in 'actual' love or not?! :)

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Examination woes

There once used to be a time when the pilgrim would turn stone- stiff even at the utterance of the word 'exams'. The good news is that he has grown over that, thanks to the Goddamn engineering course which practically drills him with exams: on an average, he was supposed (specially note the word 'supposed' in italics!) to face 18 University Question Papers (most of which he 'successfully' dodged!), 24 Series Question Papers (most of which managed to hit him by his nuts!), and an innumerable Supplementary and Improvement Question Papers. And to top it all, there were 'Surprise Tutorials' conducted by certain semi- retarded teachers who did not give a damn about what their students have to go through.

tailpiece: Now for the bad news: he has become addicted to exams, and is reported to have been seen at all kind of exams: from KG to the Civil Services. It has also been reported that government offices have installed a 'pilgrim- tracking- and- eliminating' device at all their sites of exams!

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The 'internal' bleeding

Right from his first year at college, the pilgrim has had a way with attendance and internals: one under in S1S2 (while all others were singing hymns of praise about their 'kind' teachers who had awarded them with so much internal marks!), which later on improved to a mighty 6 unders in S3 (out of a mere 8 papers!), then went on to 7 out of 8 in S4(with a RECORD- BREAKING 7 marks for HM labs!) and finally dipped slightly to 3 out 8 in S5(with 70 % internal marks!). And the crazy truth is that the last 3 internals all were scored in the 'year of the rotten rat'!

tailpiece: The pilgrim is desperately in search for a cure for his internal bleeding. For the first and last time, advices are welcome. But DO NOT overdo!

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TO BE CONCLUDED IN THE NEXT POST