the birth and death of an atheist

prologue

Even as the dark night sky welled up with pregnant monsoon clouds waiting impatiently to shed theirs tears upon us, we- me and my friend- raced at breakneck speed along the beautiful Changanacherry- Alappuzha road in a to- be- futile attempt to outrun the impending shower. The road, which tore through the heart of Kuttanadu, stretched before us in all its majestic beauty, flanged by lush green paddy fields and brilliant blue backwaters on either sides. On any other day, I would have lost myself in this natural beauty; today I barely noticed them.

For, I was deeply involved in what my friend- a veteran atheist- was telling me. All of a sudden, he had found a willing listener in me, and I was drinking in every word of his sermon with a kind of reverence. There he was, piling proof upon proof to destroy everything I'd believed in until that moment, tearing to shreds the existence of my beloved Lord, and yet, I listened to him with a respect for his ideas that had so far eluded me. Everything he said made sense, each of his arguments dealt a vicious blow upon the institution of religion. Even though marked by crude jokes and outbursts of pure unadulterated abuse, what the drunk guy said seemed to make perfect sense. Soon enough, I too caught the drift, and joined him in his billingsgate of all religious institutions.

Thus rode the couple of boys- one a seasoned atheist and the other, his newly found disciple, the pilgrim- singing abusive songs against the church and making crude jokes about mosques and temples...

****
the birth

After riding in silence for about 15 whole minutes, I was glad when my friend began to enquire about my life. But that relief was short lived- he began talking about religions. I couldn't believe my bad luck: stuck on a lonely road with this crazy friend of mine, who suddenly starts talking about religion!! Of all the things happening on earth, WHY did he have to settle upon RELIGION?! Politics I could handle with some effort, Movies I wouldn't have minded, Cricket (Hmmm...) I would have survived, but religion...?

It was very well known that my friend was a pukka atheist who took pleasure in ridiculing all kinds of belief systems and their followers. But I'd never had a taste of his sermons, I never gave him a chance. But now there was no way out, I was trapped. I decided that the best strategy would be to just listen to him, without contradicting anything he said. I made a silent prayer to Lord Almighty to help me survive this one...

Now, to cut short a long story, he somehow succeeded in capturing my attention and began telling me why I should stop believing in God, disregard all religious faiths, and work towards the establishment of an atheist society which would be the only only feasible solution to all the crises that humanity now faces.

"Just imagine, if we had a religion less society, you wouldn't have got rejected or dumped by all those pretty girls from other religions!!", he took a dig at me.

Now, I must admit that even though the guy was jabbing his finger at my numerous failed 'relationships' (as always, I claim innocence in all those wonderful breakups. It was always THEIR mistake, not mine. I am too perfect to make any mistakes!! :)), this lit up a lightning inside me: "How wonderful would THAT be?", I began to wonder,"All those beautiful damsels of Christian, Hindu and Muslim religions would be open for picking!!".

I couldn't resist my mind from wandering off to the wild world of imaginations where anything was possible. I found myself throned as the heartbeat of atheist young ladies and the much approved prospective son in law of atheist old dads. Of course, I was in a world where no man discriminated upon another in the name of religion, where no political party played communal politics, where everyone seemed equal. But those factors seemed trifle when compared to the wonderful opportunities such a world provided for my love life!

"How wonderful would that be?!" , I murmured.
I was brought back to the real world by my friend's rough voice which was droning on about how this world needs to embrace atheism, disregarding religions, all of which were based on superstitions, and were the reasons for all the troubles mankind ever faced. I felt a hatred for religious beliefs rise inside me: after all, these religions were the reasons why I was denied beautiful damsels, right!

The atheist in me was thus born...

****

the revenge

Soon enough, I joined him in singing obscene songs about unfortunate Christian Priests, and hurling insults upon insults on Muslim Imams and Hindu Gurus.

We were proud that we were performing our part in the promotion of atheism!

Darkness had set in and we were still riding without turning on the headlights. We saw a Mollakka riding a Luna at distance. It was pretty obvious that he was new at it and was very frightened about riding a bike. The Atheist disciple suddenly had a bulb flash inside his head- it was time to take revenge on these foolish preachers of religion! I whispered my idea into the willing ears of my new Guru who was all in agreement for the execution of my revenge plan. Shifting to lower gears, he silently slid behind the Mollakka and all of a sudden, revved the engine and switched on the headlights. The helpless old man was scared out of his wits and fell off from his bike. We both were so happy at the success of our revenge plan that we laughed our hearts out even as we we left the hapless Mollakka (who was, by the way, an efficient user of 'the other' language!) alone on the deserted road.

Revenge was thus taken upon the Muslim community for not letting its beautiful damsels love atheist guys...!

On we went and soon, my Guru was struck by this intense desire to smoke.
"All atheists can smoke and drink as much as they wish, there are no ridiculous laws against that", he explained to me happily. Unfortunately, he didn't have a cigarette lighter with him. Now, what use are cigarettes if there's no fire to light them? Cursing bad luck, we rode on. That was when a wonderful idea struck my Guru. He knew a small Christian Chapel on the way, "There are always lighted candles there", he remembered.

Even as we approached the chapel dedicated to some Christian Saint, I could make out a lone candle burning valiantly in the wind, refusing to die out. My atheist Guru marched on, lit his cigarette from the dancing flame, and calmly blew out the candle that was lighted in dedication to the Saint.

"There's no point in wasting a candle to satisfy some one's superstition", he explained with a grin, pocketing the candle. Even though taken aback, I couldn't help but admire his courage. In blowing out the candle, he was symbolically establishing the supremacy of atheism over superstitions of religions! I felt proud that I was an atheist, too.

Revenge was thus taken upon the Christian community for not letting its beautiful damsels love atheist guys...!

Smoking his cigarette as if he were Che, my Guru jumped on to his motorcycle and beckoned me to join him. We continued our journey...

****

the crisis

The bike was skidding like an ice skater, and my Guru yelled at me to jump from it. I could see blood spraying from my legs and his elbow. The bike had stopped its skid and now lay on top of me. Even as I passed out, I saw my Guru pick up his mobile phone...

The first thing I did on regaining consciousness at the hospital was to look under the blanket for my leg. I heaved a sigh of relief as I found it intact, though in plaster. My Guru was beside me, all smiles- apparently, he had escaped injuries.
"Your parents are on their way. Don't worry, there's nothing wrong. You'll be soon all right, your leg is not broken even. The plaster is just precautionary", he said happily.
I managed a smile. I couldn't feel my leg, it was numb.
"You will be discharged in a couple of days", he added.

****

the death

When he visited me at home, my Atheist Guru brought me a bagful of oranges.
"You are lucky that nothing much happened", he said,"I thought you would lose your legs!"
I felt blood boil inside me. I wanted to get up and thrash him blue and black. I had my university exams round the corner, and here I was bandaged and plastered up, feeling spasms of pain attack me every now and then; all because of this guy's rash driving!
I was about to give him a piece of my mind when he spoke in low voice:
"Did anyone tell you about your leg?"
"What about my leg?", I asked, a bit confused
"No one told you?"
"No."
"Hmmm...", he paused.
"What's wrong with my leg?", I asked, anxious and worried.
"No... There's nothing wrong with your leg, don't worry... I have to go now... Get well soon,OK.", he rose to leave.
I couldn't believe this was happening. The guy gave me enough reasons to doubt that something grave had happened to my precious leg, and he was leaving the discussion halfway. I couldn't let that happen. Getting hold of his hand, I refused to let go.
"Tell me what the matter is, I won't let go until then.", I asked in raised voice.
"Well", he sat down besides me,"It isn't a big deal... Its just that... How should I put it.. Hmmm...", he stammered.
"Spit it out, NOW", I almost shouted.
"Well, you have lost your left thumb."

I didn't know how to react to this piece of news.
"But...", I stammered, "I can feel pain radiating from it... I can still feel it inside the plaster...", I lost my voice.
"That is because, even after you lose a part of your body, you continue to feel its presence."

I fell back on to my bed, almost weeping...

****

For days that followed, I pestered my parents to divulge the truth about my thumb, I grew so irritant that people stopped visiting me, and I completely stopped believing in God- if God existed, he should not have let this happen to me. After all, the guy who insulted him the most (my Guru) didn't lose his thumb, right!

****

The day the plaster was being removed, I tried to appear calm and composed- I didn't want to lose my cool. I pretended happiness and everyone were happy to see me in such high spirits.
Even as the plaster was being removed, I took a peek at my leg and lo!

There lay my thumb, perfectly intact and alive!

I cannot describe the happiness I experienced at that moment. Letting out a yelp of joy, I thanked God Almighty!

****
epilogue: the Guru

I guess it is time I spoke a bit about my Atheist friend and ex- Guru (Yeah, I am not his disciple anymore. He is one of the most cunning and crooked guys I have ever come across)

Even the thought of this bastard brings up my blood pressure. The way he made a complete fool out of me proves how rotten he is. To imagine that he was toying with me all this time makes me feel sick.
"You have lost your thumb..."
How in the world could he say such a huge lie to me?
"Even when you lose a body part, you continue to feel its presence.."
Bastard!
He should have been laughing inside even as he fed me all those lies.
Oh! Those night of silent desperation and all those nightmares of being a thumb less person! Those repeated questions I'd asked my parents to tell me the truth about my thumb! How I grew angry with them for hiding the 'truth' that this liar had fed me!
I feel disgusted with myself that I fell prey to his 'practical joke'!
I feel disgusted that I trusted him!
I feel disgusted that I aspired to become an atheist!
No longer do I aspire for a religion less society. No longer do I dream about a world with beautiful atheist girls and their atheist fathers. No longer do I abuse religious figures or faiths of devotees. Above all, no longer do I seek revenge against various religious communities for not allowing its beautiful damsels to fall in love with atheists...!

Instead, I now hate all atheist, for I have been fooled by one among them. I hate them for not believing in God, for ridiculing the faith of others. I hate them for being lawless and for trying to destroy the faith of devotees...!

Thus died the new- born atheist in me...!
****
the end