the week that was, with pilgrim

The past one week was filled with so many dramatic events that the pilgrim just couldn't resist the temptation of giving his take on those events. (I'm just exaggerating here, the past one week was pretty ordinary, except for a few events. But then, people don't like to hear ordinary things, do they?) Here's a sneak peak of the week that was, with the pilgrim!
Hm mm... Where should I begin?
Now, what was the one eventful drama that unfolded in the idiot box (Television) which held the viewers so captivated that they forgot even to pee? What was the single event that occurred in our little 'God's Own Country' (which, I'm sure, He'll pretty soon disown) that entertained us so much that people actually switched channels so as to catch the News, rather than the usual cry babe serials?

the 'spiritual' circus!
The bonfires are ready, sniffer dogs are barking away madly, the knives have been sharpened. The Witch hunt begins...
Only, this time around, it isn't actually a 'witch' hunt. In Kerala, the hunt is on for the 'Mystic God-men', whom people had revered until the recent past. But things changed overnight, when one of these 'reverend' sages was exposed by the unscrupulous media. (I call the media 'unscrupulous' for the manner in which they refused to take into account how their thoughtless actions would shatter the faiths of the thriving 'devotees' of these fake sages!)
Off fell the bloody imposter's mask, even as he frantically grabbed onto whatever flimsy lies he could come up with to save his skin. The foolish retard he was, he even claimed- with a bloody FAKE smile on his face- that he was being 'targeted' by people jealous of him. Even as evidence upon evidence was being dug up by smart journalists to prove that he was the same bastard wanted by the Interpol, the foolish son- of- a- 'saint' was seen appealing to his devotees on the idiot box to trust him. (I assume he wasn't smart enough to leave the scene and run for his life while he still could!) In the end, justice was done- at least partially- when the 'saint' was arrested and charged with criminal cases including rape. (Now, that is something which ought to complete the bastard's profile!)
Then came along the young and dashing and half cracked 'saint' who was clever enough to run into a police station with a loaded gun (which he had acquired illegally underhand) and threaten suicide. One cannot help but wonder how much brains this guy should be having; to do something SO STUPID! Less than a gram is my guess, and I think I'm being a bit too fair to him. The man who claimed to have had 'visions' about future (he claims to have predicted the tsunami!) didn't apparently see this coming for him!
Close in pursuit was the flop movie director- turned- 'saint', who had discovered long ago that 'spirituality' could bring him riches. One must give him credit, not just because he found out the weak spot of this unbelievably foolish and superstitious society (which, in my opinion, deserves to be looted by these thieves), but also for the fact that he smelled danger even as others of his kind were being rounded up, and tried to make a clean exit. But luckily, this guy was rounded up by his own 'devotees' and handed over to the police.
This was just the tip of the iceberg- apparently, Kerala is so filled with these 'mystic god men' that the media and the police are having the time of their lives; exposing and rounding up these perverts who feed on the pathetic belief systems that this degenerating society (regardless of religions) has imbibed into itself.
Even as you are reading this, people might be pouncing upon yet another 'saint'... Why not go take a look at the news?!

*tailpiece: heard that chrisitian 'brothers' and muslim 'mollakkas' have also been rounded up by police (Bravo, way to go!)... Now this is what one calls 'unity in diversity': Hindu for Musalman for Christian!

the Knight Riders who forgot how to ride!
The Father of Entertainment (Manoranjan Ka Baap!) seems to be holding on, defying the earlier sceptic observation of its critics that the show would become a drag once it lost its sheen of novelty. The event seems to be attracting as much attention- if not more- as it had, initially.
The only difference is, we don't get any more crazy fan screaming his head off for The Kolkatta Knight Riders!
Dubbed as the 'Test Team in Colour Kits', that the Bangalore Royal Challengers would be a failure was predicted even by cricketing toddlers, even before the tournament had kicked off. But with KKR and DC, things were different, before they actually took up their batting kits and helmets- they were supposed to be the strongest teams in competition. And look what happened!
Even with SRK jumping around like a wild chimpanzee without self restraint, the balding old man (Dada) and his company of 'villains' couldn't qualify into the semifinals. Even a reformed Dada (who was seen diving- would you believe it?- for the ball on the field) failed to unite the so called Knight Riders and inspire them to win.
Agarkar continued his legacy of giving away runs as though he scored them (I hope he doesn't make a comeback into the Indian Team!), Shoaib was seen trying desperately to perform well during (presumably) his final days of cricket, Gayle watched the whole scenario calmly from the side benches, Mc Cullum promised and perished, and Ponting complained without performing; even as Dada tried his hand at bowling and poor SRK tore up his hair in desperation! (Poor guy, should have lost millions he so painstakingly earned through mediocre acting and extraordinary politics!)
Barring some good performances in patches, the KKR had pretty ordinary outings. They suffered humiliating defeats from teams which seemed several times weaker on paper.
To top it off, the great SRK was warned not to enter the players area during matches. In extremely cinematic sequences which followed, SRK was heard declaring that 'no one could stop him from being with his players'. (That the very same SRK refused to show up at the team's outings once the team was pushed out of the semifinals is to be duly noted here. Instead, he sent them SMS with supporting messages! Clearly, SRK doesn't like to waste his time upon lost causes!)
Anyway, the hapless Kolkatta fans (the pilgrim included) have been at the receiving end of many a sharp joke, thanks to the Knight Riders who forgot how to ride. (or is it that they did not even know how to ride, in the first place?!)

*tailpiece: Vijay Malliya has increased the price of Kingfisher Beer from Rs.47 to 56, to negate his loss on Bangalore Royal Challengers. (Poor Us!). Guess what SRK is gonna do?!

aamir and his dog shahrukh @ aamir's blog!
This news reached me pretty late: that Aamir Khan owns a dog named Shahrukh. It was my furious cousin, who is such a HUGE fan of SRK that he still roots for KKR (unbelievable,huh?!), who told me about it. He told me, all puffed up, about Aamir's blog (http://www.aamirkhan.com/) in which he had posted something about Shahrukh (his dog) "licking (his) feet" and about him "feeding biscuits to Shahrukh (again,his dog)".Now, I am not sure of what shocked me more: the idea of Aamir sleeping with Shahrukh, or the fact that Aamir would be cleaning up Shahrukh's shit when he's home!

president bush and his 'bushy' economics
George. W. Bush has come up with an almost perfect theory to explain the phenomenal growth in global prices of food grains. According to this 15 watt Fraud, the prices of food grains are on a rise because the Indian middle class is eating more! Not because his bloody nation diverts food grains for the production of bio fuel, not because he ordered 5000 tonnes of wheat (which was produced in excess in USA) to be dumped in the Atlantic; but because Indians eat more nowadays! This smart ass needs to be nominated for The Nobel Price in Economics!

*tailpiece: bushy can also be nominated for The Nobel Prize for Peace as well!

the season of results
Ask kids what they hate the most about summer vacations, and you find them with a perfectly ready answer: RESULTS! More so for those awaiting public exam results: there is such frenzy associated with the results of 10th, 12th and Entrance, that kids are forced to believe that the very existence of the whole world depends on their results! Parents are seen feverishly praying to God and making promises, and kids live on the edge until the results are out.
Anyway, this time around, the Kerala Syllabus results were pretty cool: with pass percentage of a whopping 92%, it seemed as if all you needed to do was write your name on the answer paper! Then came the much awaited Entrance results, and yet another batch of students were sacrificed to either Medical or Engineering professions. (Don't we have ANY OTHER profession?!) Parent- children relationships soured, with many of the parents blaming their kids for not making it into the 'noble' medical profession, and children retaliating back. Many have headed off to coaching centres to seek admission to the 'repeater's batches', which are supposed to buy you a ticket into Medical Colleges!

*tailpiece: Having been prey to such a frenzy a couple of years ago which landed me in an Engineering College, I appeal to the kids and parents to look around for a profession which suits you, rather than running along the general flow.